BREAK THE RELATIONSHIP HABIT. SHOW YOURSELF SOME LOVE.

Ending a relationship is much like quitting a habit. When the intimate connection with the one we loved is severed, it feels devastating, and we begin to have emotional withdrawals. The person we chose to become close with, has become ingrained in our nervous system. We have become accustomed to certain rituals with our partner, it could be that daily “Good Morning!” text, or the every Wednesday couples’ workout. Now there is a void, which can feel like a giant gaping wound in our hearts. It’s all too easy to pick up the phone and call your ex – “just to see how you’re doing” but this can backfire, as you can slip into that old pattern very easily.

No matter the habit, it’s easier to follow those neural pathways than it is to deviate from them.

How do you get through a breakup and move forward in an emotionally healthy manner?

First, recognize that this is a period of grieving. You haven’t lost a loved one to death, but you have lost their presence in your life. Sometimes, that can hurt even worse. So please, allow yourself time to grieve. DO NOT jump into a rebound relationship right away because you’re still vibrating at the level of your relationship. You need time to create a higher vibration so that you can attract a partner who is more of a match for your vibration!

Start by creating new patterns, routines that soothe the aching places in your heart. You’ve got certain routines with your ex, and now is the time to break them rather than perpetuating them and wallowing in the memories.

Daily, or in moments of grief, give yourself a big hug, with arms wrapping tightly, and fill those hurt places with self-love. This may seem silly at first, but hugs, even from ourselves, release feel good hormones, flooding that perceived void with all the love you deserve. I say “perceived” because although your partnership is over, there is, AT YOUR CORE, no void. You were whole and complete before you entered into this relationship, and you are whole and complete now, even though it doesn’t feel that way.

As you develop ways to replace old habits, and establish new self loving routines, try saying, “Let go, I forgive him/her.” With this, release pain and allowing love to flow in your healing heart.

It’s helpful to realize that the chemical changes that occurred in your brain when you fell in love – dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin – are somewhat addictive. But now that you’re not experiencing their release on a daily basis, you probably feel bad, and these are withdrawals you’re feeling. Give yourself time to flush them out of your system, and/or find ways to keep these feel-good chemicals coursing through you, by finding other activities and new people to hang out with.

Missing the feeling of connection? Feeling the silence? Call a friend you haven’t spoken with in awhile. Chances are they will be happy to hear your voice. Start scheduling plans to see friends and family, especially if you live alone. The grieving period of a break up is an excellent time to reconnect with old friends. Social interaction can be a powerful healing step that prevents a pattern of loneliness and depression.

Sometimes you will want the company of others, but are feeling vulnerable or unwilling in the moment to share your inner turmoil. Try randomly saying a few thoughtful words of appreciation for someone close, or a co-worker, an uplifting, “I appreciate you” has the ability to help and heal, both giver and receiver. The more focus you put on other people, the less you will tend to wallow in your own problems. Even better, helping a friend with their problems can help shed some light on your own!

How about in times of solitude when you are feeling disappointed and powerless over your loss?

Try practicing gratitude, finding reason to be thankful even in the most painful of times. Be grateful for your moments of ecstasy, as well as your deepest wounds. Be grateful for the moments you had, rather than focusing on what you have lost. The greatest transformations occurs when you are open to experiencing all that life has to offer. Be grateful for everyone and everything, willing to discover all the love and joy surrounding you.

Relationship breakups are emotionally exhausting. Honor your feelings – allow yourself to be hurt… let it out… let those tears pour. Shed tears for the beautiful loving moments you shared, tears of anger for your frustration, tears of sorrow for the loss. The act of not controlling your pain will release it, soothing and healing your wounded heart. Let the pain flow, much like a thunder cloud releases its rain, nourishing the earth.

Remember to treat yourself with the utmost love. Now is the time to nourish yourself with things you love to do! It’s also a great way to raise your vibration so that you can rise to the vibrational level of the PERFECT partner for you!

The deeper and more intense you feel this pain, the greater your capacity to experience love again, for a broken heart, is first an open heart.

Thanks to Love or Above for this article